Of course, I turned to a trusted source for some help on this issue, Andy Stanley. I quickly found a series of messages online entitled the "White Flag" series. This set of messages is about running from God, and I was really disappointed that wasn't the type of surrender that I need to address. I am not running from God, I am trying to learn to be patient and let God reveal a plan for me to surrender to. I became frustrated last Friday as I tried to type out this blog entry.
Well, we all know that the Lord works in mysterious ways...
We have had a lot of issues with the Children's Ministry at our church as of late. As a result, my 8 year old loses his mind on Sunday's crying and begging not to go to church. Don't worry, he isn't abused there or anything, he is just bored off of his rocker. Let me clarify that we love our church, and there are so many avenues where our church is perfect, but Children's Ministry isn't one of them. It is very hard to try to fight your child every week about church. Very exhausting. Very mentally exhausting. Therefore, my husband and I agreed that we would try to take our son to a different church during the Sunday School hour and see how he likes it. That is what I did this past Sunday. I chose Athens Church because of their reputation with Children's Ministry, but it is also an offshoot of North Point Ministries- home of Andy Stanley.
Although I was at Athens Church for my son, I came away with something for myself. It is almost like Andy knew that I hadn't found what I needed from him on Friday, but he was sure ready to hand it to me on Sunday. To recap from previous years, I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I crave security. I cannot interview for other jobs without crying and sending myself into a panic. That is clearly the main reason I am underemployed. It is why I fear that if God is telling me it's time for a change, I will ignore what He is saying and try to stay the course of what is safe. But, if I am going to be submissive, I am going to have to learn to deal with my fear of the unknown.
Andy Stanley's current series, "Ask it" was written for me. It is one of those how-did-he-know-I-need-that sermons. The idea behind it is that we should take into consideration our past, present, and future regarding every invitation/opportunity/relationship/decision: ask, "What is the wisest thing for ME to do?" This question will be my focus this Lenten season. I will answer the question, and even if I do not follow through, I will learn something about myself. Hopefully I will be able to learn to submit and follow through with the best option. The option God has lay out in front of me. The path He wants me to take. Free from fear. Confident in my submission. Even if it isn't the "safe" answer.
"Be very careful, then, how you live- not as an unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
Ephesians 5:15-16
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