Day 22- Let Someone else have the glory

In DSTSS for today, I read that we should let other people have the glory. This can be in the work environment or simply in listening to someone else's story in a discussion. Relating this back to Day 20, Carlson says to listen and do not wait for your turn to talk. He claims that you will be more calm in the conversation if you just sit back and take in the story.

I immediately relate this to work. I hope that I have been the kind of boss and coworker that gives credit where credit is due. I cannot pinpoint where this habit came from, but I have always tried to be conscious of not taking credit for someone else's hard work or good ideas. Truth be told, I don't take credit for their bad work either :) so I am not saint!

The second part of this lesson, listening to others without trying to "top" them is a little--scratch, that--ALOT harder for me.

As a child with absentee parents, I felt at a young age that I did not have a voice. My words were important to no one, even when I was screaming and crying for my parents to stop fighting or telling my mom I hated my stepdad. I was usually told to quit crying like a "sissy" or quit being "stupid." I got lost and shoved in the background of their lives as they were caught up in personal battles that did not relate to me.

I have grown to accept all of this, but one day in therapy my therapist and I were discussing why I feel the need to be loud and entertain. It was one of those days where the answer just comes out and you know it as truth the minute you begin to utter the words, "I want to be heard."

The bad part is that this is my issue that I do not want to force on others. Joe Schmoe has no idea why I want to talk over his story and one-up him. I am sure if I explained my actions would be more tolerable, but I do not need to tell everyone I have a conversation about my personal history (although I tend to do that very early in friendships). I also need to work on the related issue, my need to entertain others. I feel that if I entertain them and if I am funny enough they will like me, and I desperately want to be liked. This leads to me waiting for my turn to interject in most conversations I have.

The person who probably takes the brunt of my downfall is my husband. Chuck is a great story teller, but he uses many, many words. This would be wonderful if I were reading a book, but for some reason it is hard for me to listen to all of those words when they are spoken. Like other personal issues I have discussed before in these last few weeks, I think ADHD has something to do with my impatience, but I don't want to blame a condition. I own my behavior and I promise to work on it.

So today, I shall think about not interrupting and letting someone tell their story. After all, if it is important enough for them to share, I should have the common courtesy to listen. I am going to try to be more conscious of this. Especially with my husband.

--I pray that I can learn to be a listener and not always strive to be the storyteller. I pray that I always give credit where credit is due. I pray that I do not steal someone else's deserved glory. And finally, I pray that one day I will not feel the need to be listened to or the need to entertain, and that I will feel loved just for being. Amen.