Day 2- In Fifty Years it Never Came Up

Today I read Pausch's chapter about his memories of his dad. He recalls photos he found after his father died along with a bag containing various papers. At the bottom of that bag, he found a citation for his father (who served in WWII) for "heroic achievement." The citation said that heavy artillery fire from German forces led to 8 casualties and:

"With disregard for his own safety, Private Pausch leaped from a covered position and commenced treating the wounded men while shells continued to fall in the immediate vicinity. So successfully did this soldier administer medical attention that all the wounded were evacuated successfully."

Twenty-two year old daddy Pausch got the Bronze Star for valor. However, in the fifty years of his marriage and the life of his son, he never mentioned it. Randy states that weeks after his dad's death, he learned another lesson- the meaning of sacrifice and the power of humility.

Wow. Just wow. Who does that? Some might say that maybe daddy Pausch chose to not reveal this honor because soldiers sometimes do not like to reflect on battle. It is too painful for them. I prefer to think that he was just a humble man. That is the lesson I want to take from it as well, Dr. Pausch.

I am a person who constantly needs reassurance that I am good enough. One of the ways I filled this void growing up was by getting "A"'s in school. Nothing felt as good as seeing my name in the paper or getting that nod from my favorite teacher, even if it was fleeting. I would never be able to keep a Bronze Star a secret. It amazes me that someone else could. I interpret this as meaning daddy Pausch did not gage his self worth on accolades and honors. He didn't need that kind of recognition and praise. This is something I work on daily.

Sitting here reflecting, this chapter also makes me think of the late Whitney Houston. Following her death, a barrage of past interviews and feedback from friends and relatives gave the world a look into her private insecurities. We learned that one of our icons lacked self confidence and was constantly seeking approval from her mother, her family, her fans...everyone.

At her funeral, Kevin Costner reflected on a poignant story about how Whitney didn't feel she was good enough for the movie the Bodyguard. She doubted if she was pretty enough, if she could act good enough, if anyone would like her. Really?! She was perfect! She was beautiful! She sang like an angel! How could someone so amazing need approval from others?

Being happy with ourselves is a hard task. Who doesn't want to be liked? Who doesn't feel good when someone gives you recognition and praise? Not I, said the Little Red Hen.

-God, please help me to be humble. Help me to know that it isn't what others think of me or find impressive that matters, but what You think of me. Help me to use this wisdom to lead my life in the footsteps of Jesus and strive to make only You proud, and that I find contentment in this knowledge. Amen.