Lent 2013

Today is Ash Wednesday- side note, I want to put an "e" on the end and make that ashe classy.  My therapist taught me that it is too hard to play catch-up sometimes. Sometimes you need to just start where you are in life. What is bothering you today? What are your fears now? What are you praying for in this moment? So I am not going to bother filling in the experiences I have had since my last post, I am going to start with today. The here. The now. This moment.

Today, my almost 20 month old will have a 3rd hearing test to find out if she needs hearing aids in both ears.  This is frightening because: (1) My perfect baby isn't perfect, and kids will see this and tease her as she gets older. I won't let them break her. (2) As previously posted, I don't have a career where I am making bank. Hearing aids are not covered by insurance in the state of GA and they need to be replaced every 3-5 years. We will have to work harder than we have worked before on managing money. Hearing aids run $3000 per ear.

I try to always remember the passage in Matthew about worry & the birds: ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

I wish I could put this passage into practice. I have been reading it over and over again for years.  I feel like I am finally going to have to trust in this.  I pray that I can do it.  It is so hard for me because I wonder why God should take care of me? What makes me special? I see homeless people on the streets cold and hungry and I have to wonder if they have asked for help from God.  Is it all about interpretation? Maybe they do feel valuable and taken care of by God.

Today I will take my ashes at our church service. I will make a pledge to stop and listen to God at least once a day throughout this Lenten season. My goals will be as follows:

On a Daily Basis

1. Make a point to notice God's presence in my life. Where is he showing himself?

2. Record acts of kindness I experience. They remind us of the good in the world and that we are loved.

3. Show God's love to others by performing my own acts of kindess.

4. Praying every day for trust in the Lord and that I am valuable, and that I need not worry like I do.

I close with this excerpt from Momastery since you all know I am an avid reader and fan.  This first sentence is how I feel. I hope the second is true as well. It is just so hard to feel worthy.

"I am a crappy Christian, which I’m pretty sure is the only honest kind. Nonetheless, I’m deeply in love with Jesus, and I think he’s wild about my crazy self too."
Glennon Melton