Contentment

So yesterday I had a job interview. I was stressed about it all morning and even more stressed afterward. It is undoubtably a more challenging position with more prestige and more money. It is all the things I thought I wanted, but now I am not sure.  It is also full of things I do not want: less freedom for me to tend to my kids, a new work family (I love my current one!), formal clothes and attitudes.  Will it fit who I am?

This job interview is causing me to question everything I thought I wanted professionally. I haven't been offered the job, but do I want the offer? Is a real career as an administrator -instead of a glorified secretary- something I really want? I have prayed and prayed and I still don't know. I have asked God to show me the right answer for I feel I cannot trust myself unless his signs guide me on a clear path.

The truth is, at the heart of it all, I am a seven year old girl from a broken home. I crave security and love.  I want to feel safe and protected.  This potential job will not hold any of these things for me initially. In the long run, it could; but, I don't know that I am strong enough to take that path.  I personally feel that I should be more of a risk taker, but why do I feel that way? Isn't it okay to be content where you are? Or should you look fear straight in the eye and tell it to get to steppin'? I don't know.  And therein lies my inner struggle. To be brave or to be secure, that is the question.  If you know the answer, feel free to share.

-God, I am so lost. I need guidance in a major way. Have I been looking in the wrong direction for who I am? Am I really where I should be? Please help me. Amen.