Today my heart hurts.
In 2000, I got my first dog. Her name was Laney and she was a chocolate lab. At the time, I had a fiance and we were living together. We got married soon after and then divorced soon after that. Me and my current husband dated and then had a devastating break-up. After realizing we couldn't live without one another, we got back together. Two babies later, our family is complete. Well, kind of.
It was on our wedding anniversary in 2010 that our four-legged baby, Laney died. We had to put her to sleep. Laney had been with me through all of the trials I previously listed. She was my constant. My one thing. My child. My support system. There were some days when I lived alone that no one would know if I ever came home or not, but she did. She always loved me and stayed by my side. When I was pregnant with my first child and up sick at night, she would sit by the bed alert and only go to sleep when I woke up for the next day. She was the dog of my life, and will always be a part of my heart.
Now, two years later, Laney is our second child's namesake. I still think about her almost every day. We made the mistake of getting a second dog a couple of weeks after she passed. We weren't ready, and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. Then, we didn't have the time to devote to our new dog. We gave her away. It broke my heart.
The thing about giving away a dog is the fact that I know what I gave up. I gave up someone that could be a confidant, a partner, and most of all a best friend. And I miss that. I miss that unconditional love that only a pup can bring.
Sadly, I know the time is not right for us to have another four-legged baby. I know that in time, it will be right. Maybe when our two-legged Laney is four or so, but for now I have to exercise patience. This is extremely hard when I see reminders of her every day. Today I was walking in to work when a student had a working-dog in training outside. A black lad puppy with sad eyes. Eyes that said, "love me." And that is all I wanted to do, was to love it.
My heart continues to cry. And I continue to want another constant. Animals have been the only living beings to never let me down. I have two cats, but a dog is something else. A dog like Laney is not a dog. She is love. And I pray that I have the patience to not rush into getting another baby. But it's hard. Dear God, it is hard.
--God, Please help heal my heart from the pain I feel repeatedly regarding the loss of Laney. I ask that you help me to enjoy the time I have with my kids now and to not long for something I am not yet ready to have. Please help me to be content and quit torturing myself with petfinder websites. I pray that you heal this open sore and replace my wound with a scar. Amen.
For you, Laney girl.
Here Today- Paul McCartney
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