1. Women fill so many different roles, they can always find an example of someone succeeding in ways that they aren't.
-This. Examples: I don't have an impressive enough job to participate in Career Day like Adeline's mom. I let my child eat pizza for supper but Alison's kids had a fruit and veggie buffet.
2. "Girls are raised to be perfect," she says. "Women are capable of being right most of the time, but at what cost?" Shipman advises women to focus on being "good enough." When you make the inevitable mistake?
-Not saying I was raised to be perfect. But because of my narcissistic mother, I am constantly trying to keep my children off of a therapist's couch. I feel like I have to do and say the right things because you do not know what will be the one thing they remember and take with them to adulthood. What if they remember the day you threw the cup across the room because they spilt milk AGAIN (!)?
3. Delegate and share duties. It might not get done the way you want it to," she warns, "so, don't get upset about it."
-My husband is a huge help around the house, but I do find myself shaking my head and sometimes complaining about the way he does things.
4. "Many women see life as a marathon, but a better model is weight lifting." After working hard you need time to rest and recover. Real Simple reports that by maintaining the current paradigm, "Women are losing the opportunity to re-energize and bring real benefit to their lives."
-Reenergize? What's that?
This article is great because it makes me sit back and think, is it my fault? Am I causing some of the chaos in my own life? Of course I am! How can I fix that?
I can fix this by relaxing. Things are not a big deal. What has Lentspiration been about thus far- DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! For me, everything is a mental battle. I feel like I always have to be the best at everything. I should be able to handle it all. I am not sure why. My only guess is because I was a latch-key kid with absentee parents and in essence I feel like I raised myself. My parents gave me shelter and food, but I took it from there. Now, I feel like I have to be everything to my husband and kids. Just like yesterday's Lentspiration, I think the world would fall apart if I were to pass- and it wouldn't.
I have often been fascinated by Letters to My Younger Self. I could offer some really sage advice to a younger me, but I wonder, can it work backwards? What if I were to pretend to be 70 year old Heather looking back at 35 year old Heather, what would I tell her?
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Dear Heather,
I am you, but I am older and wiser. I am you, but I have hindsight. I am you, but I know you better because I have spent 35 more years inside your head. I am you, so listen.
1. Enjoy your husband, he is good when so many other men fail their wives. You have a winner, be good back to him. Spend time with him and let him know he is special.
2. Keep inhaling your children's scent, they are the true loves of your life and everything you ever wanted. Continue to treat them with love and respect, and you will not fail at motherhood.
3. Don't worry about your career. Your job does not make you who you are, your actions do. Be a good person and do your best at any and every job you have- there is satisfaction in that. Always remember that the only job you ever consistently wanted was to be a mother. Goal accomplished.
4. Take time out for your friends. Friends are the crutch you need to make it through life.
5. You don't always have to be funny. I know you think making people laugh makes you more lovable, but sometimes you can let it go. You often make inappropriate jokes or say funny things at the expense of others, be more sensitive.
6. Treasure your mother and father. They aren't perfect, they made mistakes raising you, but you are their sunshine. Forgive them for they did not know what they did. Luke 23:34 Adults are children in an aged body. They did the best they could with what they had and knew.
7. Quit worrying about your weight. You have wasted hours on end thinking and obsessing about being skinny. Be healthy: eat right, exercise, drink water. Being skinny won't get you to 70, taking care of yourself will.
8. Keep singing and dancing. Those random songs you know all of the words to are your own personal fuel. Keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart.
Love,
Heather, age 70
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Dear God, Thank you for allowing Chuck to send this article to me. I continue to be in awe of how articles and book chapters are resonating with this project during Lent. I pray that all of these lessons become chiseled in my mind and not a fleeting blog I type out daily. Amen.
--Edited 03/09/12 to add this quote I found on Momastery today.
"Life isn't hard because you are doing it wrong. Life is just hard."
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